Hi, I'm Christian

Haven’t posted here in awhile, figured I’d go ahead and put something out there now that I have some time. It’s weird being home. It’s almost like I never left, but at the same time, it’s like I don’t belong here anymore. I got here and in about 10 hours I wanted to go back to school. A really weird feeling. It’s hard being away from a practice room, I’m starting to get back in my inspired mindset, but there’s not much of a place for me to practice. Even though I’m with family and doing things I feel like I’m wasting my time here. It’s a feeling I hate. I saw an old friend, one of my only ones left here, and it was nice, good to know things are going well for the other singers out there too. I’ve been thinking a lot about foreign living. About applying to schools in Europe for Grad school, Guildhall, Conservatoire de Paris, Conservatorio di Firenze. I love the idea of it, of studying music in an entire different culture. Although we often forget it, some of the greatest opera stars of the world, although spend a lot of time in America, are not from here, and became the greats that they are in different countries. Just a thing to think about I guess. I’m not quite sure I have anything else to talk about? Well then goodbye!

I’m feeling quite uninspired lately. There’s a million things that I want to do and that I’d love to do, and things I need to do, and staying in shape. But after all my rehearsals and classes, I don’t want to do anything. I am so exhausted, I am so over-stressed, which I honestly love. I love the feeling that I’m doing something with myself and making music and immersing myself in my passion, but I still feel like I could do more, or bring something more to the table. Lately I’ve been thinking about my future, and the million directions it could go in. I thought I had a plan. I thought I had it figured out. And my old plan is still an option, it’s just not the only one. I don’t know what to do about this lack of motivation, this absence of inspiration. Although I love being busy, I hate the feeling of “going through the motions”. I want to create something new and beautiful every day, I want to go to bed every night knowing I did something thought out and inspired, something that, even if temporary, I can be proud of, and I don’t know what outlet to use sometimes. At this point I’m just ranting, but in all reality, I need to find a way to get out of the funk. It doesn’t help not having any money (new girlfriends will do that to you), and definitely doesn’t help only having time late at night and on weekends. I’ll figure this out. I just need a jolt of inspiration, a kick of motivation, something I can be proud of. I’ll figure it out.